I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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