Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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