I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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