i don't like sucking hair
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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