So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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