I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
