and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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