just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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