remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
