Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
