Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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