Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
