i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
