While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
