Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
