I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
