i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
