I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
