its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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