That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
