Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
