thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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