take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
