69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
