Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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