my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
