i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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