Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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