can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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