The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
