When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
