It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
