Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
