have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
