i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
