The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
