Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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