Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize