he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
