I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
