Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
