Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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