A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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