I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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