My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
