you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
