my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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