smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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