just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
