I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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