i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
