Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
