I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
