Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
