That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You don't make any sense
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