She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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