Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
