Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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