i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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