Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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