I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
