It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
