So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
