Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
