butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
