why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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