your parents love me but you hate me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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