I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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