Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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