Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
be right there i have to get my cape
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
