Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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