when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
