Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
In America we eat man semen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
