Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize