I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i think my cat just said my name.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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