i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
