There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
