You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
